A Step Back

February 1st.

It was now or never.

Stuck in between I should and I can’t.

I drove, everything I could fit into my small but efficient Toyota, more than two hours North where the air encapsulates itself into skyscrapers and its city lights.

I arrived to a forested neighborhood not congested with vehicles.

An older tall, wide, blonde woman greeted me outside the apartment building.

Have you got the check?” She asked in an English accent.

“Yeah.” I replied still sitting in the driver seat.

Can you take me to my bank so I can cash it? Rent is due today.” She asked hurriedly.

“Yeah let’s go.” I replied cautiously.

We had met once before during the whole ‘Let’s see if you’re a good candidate for a roommate process’. But she was still a stranger none the less.

We arrived at the apartment after successfully cashing the check and she motioned to where I would be sleeping.

A large living room with two sofas ruled by a Ginger Cat.

You can put up partitions if you like and you’ll have your own entry.” She suggested.

“Mom! That’s Ginger’s area! Where is he going to sleep? How will he eat?!” A teenage tall blond boy objected.

I was stuck in between a family dispute on my first day in the city.

I sat awkwardly and quietly while they sorted their issues out.

This was temporary.

Rome wasn’t built in a day.

I was determined to work my way up to the life I wanted to build for myself.

Setting up stepping stones I knew there would be challenges and I was ready to confront every one of them with a solution.

Not much after that discussion I was showed into the master bedroom where I would now be sleeping and sharing a restroom with my renter.

She would be taking the livingroom.

Ginger Cat – 1

The next day I would be starting my new job.

“Why don’t you just start work on Monday?” An old coworker asked.

I didn’t feel like I needed a day off at the time and wanted to get working as soon as possible. I would have the weekend off anyway.



It was flattering.

The fact that I was in the same room as the woman that had once taken my Man’s attention from me. And all this new Handsome Stranger could do was keep his eyes fixated on me. It was a promising beginning. And that’s really all we want right? A sign from the Universe signalizing that as insignificant as we may feel we may just be Special enough to matter to that One person.

If not for a lifetime.

Maybe just for a moment.

And I suppose this is why I didn’t run the opposite direction when he stated matter of fact-ly, “Listen I just want someone to have fun with.”

He knew what he wanted from me. Men always do. And I knew this wasn’t what I was looking for but his words and history showed me that a man his age would never take me serious. And if he wanted fun.

I could use some fun myself too.

I knew it wouldn’t last from the very first kiss.

He positioned me in front of him very awkwardly as we looked at the view. Scripted. He reached for my attention. My neck turned uncomfortably as he reached for a kiss. A very dry, thin, old male kiss. It lasted as long as an awkward silence lasts and soon after we were riding off into the city. As awkward as it may have felt the excitement was still there. A man this gorgeous interested in ME. But deep down, I knew. I knew this wasn’t it. But I ignored the signs and gave into his scripted romance.